Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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