Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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