every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
