Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
