The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
