i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
