Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
