I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
