My brain says no but my pants say off.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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