So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And then he peed in my hair
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