if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
