So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
