pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
