Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
