help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
