Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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