I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
