New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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