yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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