yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
