i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
