Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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