I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
