Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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