its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
