why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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