there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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