Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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