tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
