Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
