Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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