You're my little dorito
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
