I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
