she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
