My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
