I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
