I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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