Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
