Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
