My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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