So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
