bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
