Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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