Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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