I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
