what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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