Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
