A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
