I hate all girls vehemently.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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