i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
