Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
