A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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