Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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